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Book 1 of the Fire Trilogy: Cloud of Fire
Cloud of Fire By: Lumosify, Apple_Pie, and Gluebottles4ever I jump off a building, landing in a trash can. I jump out of it and continue chasing the delivery guy with the pizza. If he thinks he’s gonna get away with the pizza that we ordered and that we paid for, then he’s sorely mistaken. “Give me my pizza!” I scream at him. “NEVER!” he yells back, as he jumps into the back of a garbage truck, just as the choppy things start. He survives. Dang it, there goes my pizza. “Hey you!” I snap at an infant. “I need to borrow your stroller.” He doesn't reply, so I take that as a yes. I take off on the stroller, using a running start to get it moving. I flip right into the garbage truck and grab my pizza. I’m about to jump out, when I hear a groan from the pizza guy. I turn around and stick my tongue out, before jumping out of the truck. Finally, I have my pizza. I open it up. “I said no anchovies!” I scream at the truck, hoping the pizza guy’s there. He has the nerve to ignore me. I jump back into the truck to give him a piece of my mind. I find him dead inside of the truck. It seems he has choked to death on a plastic water bottle. I sigh; this is why you have to recycle water bottles. I jump out of the truck holding a handful of water bottles and recycle them. I enter a building through some doors and find a room with some tables and some cubbies. No one is inside, but there is a bunch of backpacks. I grab them all. I open all the backpacks, desperately searching for a pair of stilts. I find a pair in a small backpack. I put them on and take a few steps, before falling on my face. I sob hysterically, crying out, “I trusted you, and you left to me to die!” I can’t believe those stilts rejected me. I hear sirens in the distance, as the police arrived. I blacked out then and there. I wake up sweating, that was a terrible dream. That dream reminds me that it is my teacher’s husband’s pay day today. I should give her a toaster in honor of the occasion. When I get to school, I give my teacher the toaster. She smiles and gives me an A for everything I do today. I think I'll buy her a TaylorMade R1 Driver on her fourth dog's death anniversary. I order a pizza when I get home. When the pizza guy comes and delivers the pizza, I open it to find anchovies on the pizza. I don’t tip him. As he starts to walk away, I watch in horror as he pulls out a pizza and with an anticipating look on his face, as he starts to eat it. It has anchovies on it. I have to do what every other self-respecting person who hates anchovies (which is probably everyone) would do: destroy him/her to smithereens. I run up to him with the first book I grabbed, a programming book, and hand it to him. He smiles and opens it up. He reads a sentence and drops to the ground, dead. Great, now I need to hide another body. As I drag him across my yard, I put him in a cellar that I always put my dead bodies in. Most of them died because of the programming book, but sometimes, they are too smart for that, so I have to show them a picture of Llama Face to do the job. Llama Face always works. No one likes Llama Face. Suddenly, a flying cookie comes flying through the window and hits me on the head. I wake up after being unconscious for a few hours. I realize it must be the Fat Bunny, he is my boss and hates when I mention him at all. Some people would be surprised that a kid who’s still in school has a job like that and that my boss is a bunny, but they’re stupid. He has a PhD from the Dollar Store, the best University around. The school is called the Dollar Store because there’s a dollar store inside, but all the items inside is over 10 dollars or more. I sit up and take the cookie. It tastes really good. I suddenly realize there's a paper inside, so I spit it out. It's a flyer for the upcoming Pharmaceutical Festival. Of course! This must be a fortune cookie. My destiny is to go to that festival. So that afternoon, I go to the festival and bought a pizza because I love pizza. I open it up and there were anchovies in there! Why were there always anchovies? So I did what every sane person would do, I burned the festival to the ground. I laughed evilly, just to let everyone know that I am evil and that I burned the festival to the ground, but everyone is dead. Their bodies are all over the place, charred and blackened and soot-covered. There was even one dead body still leaning on his pizza stand, which for some reason seemed to be indestructible. I instantly recognized the pizza stand as the one that gave me anchovies. I marched over and kicked the dead pizza vendor to the ground, picking up a rock and smashing the pizza stand open. It is bigger in the inside, and the whole thing was filled with pizzas.....ALL WITH ANCHOVIES ON THEM!!! I got really mad, so I lit a match and dropped it inside the pizza stand. The inside was made of wood, so the interior was completely destroyed, but the outside still remained indestructible. I leaned over to inspect the material, to decide what would melt it, but before I could do so, Fat Bunny popped up from the inside of the pizza stand. "Why do you always have to burn my hideouts?" he complained. "I totally had a stash of cookies I stole from the Cookie Bank here, but you burned them all to crisps. What is your PROBLEM? I should fire you right now!" "Ah.....but I saved one of them!" I pull a cookie from my back pocket and hold it up for him to see. I always keep a cookie on me for these kinds of accidents, because somehow I always end up burning all of his hideouts. It's a long story, but it involves a curse put on me by Albus Subla©, a pizza with anchovies on it, and my boss's university, Dollar Store. "Now you can make more of them!" I knew he would think the cookie is actually one of his Cookie Bank secret stash, because I make a new recipe for them every time I restock on cookies so he doesn't notice that they're average, homemade cookies. My boss can be really smart (a PhD from Dollar Store, after all), and he's a great trainer for aspiring murderers like me (I work as one of his top secret spies, and murdering is part of the job), but sometimes he can overlook things. Particularly things they clearly don't think to teach at Dollar Store, even if it is the best university around. "Whatever," the bunny grunts, "but the cost is coming out of your pocket." "Fine," I sigh, now I have to go rob someone. I am really lazy and don’t feel like robbing someone, so I walk over to a random person and take their wallet. I open the wallet and take out $170 and give the rest ($32.78) to Fat Bunny. Who keeps $200 in their wallet? I decide that I might as well rob everyone else. By the end of the day, I have a toilet, a bottle of hand sanitizer, a notepad, a key pad, a security phone, 34 matches, 2 packs of cigarettes, an alarm clock and a bottle of wine. I steal all the ID’s and a piece of candy from a kid. It’s fun. I try smoking a cigarette, but it tastes terrible and it makes me cough violently for a week, so I throw the cigarette packs on the ground. A small cloud of fire burst up from the cigarette I had lit, which got bigger when I drop the lit matchstick on top of it. I cough even more, closing my eyes. The smell of smoke burns my nostrils. Suddenly, the smoke clears. I open one eye and caught a glimpse of...a cactus? The cactus had stomped out the flames and collected the cigarettes for him. He tilts towards me and drops a piece of paper in front of me. I pick it up. It reads: Join my forces. I glance behind me to look at Fat Bunny, but he is already stumbling away from the festival grounds, muttering under his breath, coughing, and waving the money I'd given him around to clear the air. I turn back to the cactus. I had a boss already. Grabbing a pen from a dead body's pocket, I tear a page from my notepad and scribble; I have a boss at the moment. What can you do to convince me to join your forces? I toss the paper to him. The cactus jumps forward and to catch the paper, then throws it back at me. I glare at him for a moment, before noticing that the other side of the paper now had writing on it. My name is Sancho, the note reads, surely you've heard of me? I gasp and stumble back. Fat Bunny always said that no one could beat him, but if the legends are true, then the only person who could beat Fat Bunny was Sancho: Sancho the cactus, The LEGENDARY Sancho the cactus. Nodding, I quickly scribble my answer under his previous sentence. I accept. Let me just go talk to Fat Bunny. I will need to bring piles upon piles of cookies of all kinds for Fat Bunny when I resigned. Store-bought, homemade, maybe even steal a few top-security cookies from the Cookie Bank. He'll be furious. But I couldn't pass up this offer. Sancho shakes his cactus head. Words flash on the paper. No need. It is already done. I blink at him. How - ? More words flash on the paper. Do you know what the Three-Inch Cliff is? Or rather, who? Slowly, I shake my head. Well, recently the soul of this Three-Inch Cliff was killed. The Cliff needs a new soul to inhabit it, and to continue its legend. This is your first mission, a test. Can you find a suitable soul and convince it to take the Cliff as its host? I quickly write back.'' No, I'' too tired. Sancho nods and hops off. A few minutes later, he comes back with a bag full of cookies. I take one look and accept, time to find a soul for the three-inch cliff. As I search for someone that might suit the job, I realize that there is a person following my every move. I am not able to recognize who it is at that moment, as I take small glimpses of the person who was now drinking coffee. As soon as I look at the person, I know he isn’t the one. I decide to go to the zoo, out of boredom, and meet Ted the giraffe. He agrees to give away his soul, since the zoo is run down and stupid (his words). I take his soul and give it to Sancho. Sancho is very happy. As Sancho starts to transfer Ted's soul to the 3 inch cliff's soul, Llama face suddenly appeared saying, “NOOO.” I gasp at the ferocious Llama Face as he jumps off the cliff. However, he just bounces and with a zap disappears. Sancho transfers the soul into the cliff and everything is back to normal. So, to celebrate normalness, I order pizza and sit down to eat. I open the box to find no anchovies in it. I take a bite and spit it out. I run outside and start chasing the pizza man. "I SAID NO CUCUMBERS!!!!!!!" End of Book 1''''Category:Stories